I live 4 the SOUNDS

This is for Kalani.

I WILL love you till I find out there is no point in loving someone when they don't care anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So love isn't free.
But all I am desperately pleading to god
is to please give me that from you.
instead of your back.
i want a me and you.
I NEED a me and you
and if i can get that, then i promise you
You'd be my everything and I'd do anything for you.
I'm tryin to stop my wrongfullness towards you
but when i look at you all the pain from that day comes back
and i can't conrol myself.
but when i finally do.
Will you understand?
Will you please accept me again?

Big Girl(You are beautiful)- Mika

Big girl you are beautiful

Walks in to the room
Feels like a big balloon
I said hey girl you are beautiful
Diet coke and a pizza please
Diet coke im on my knees
Screaming, big girl you are beautiful

You take your skinny girl
I feel like im gonna die
Coz a real woman needs a (real man has why)
You take your girl and multiply about four
Now a whole lot of woman needs a whole lot more

(Chorus)
Get yourself to the butterfly lounge
Find yourself a big lady
Big boy come on around
And there be gonna do baby
No need to fantasize
Seen some worse in my (faces)
A water in the whole
With girls all around
Curves in the right places

big girl you are beautiful (x4)

Walks in to the room
Feels like a big balloon
I said hey girl you are beautiful
Diet coke and a pizza please
Diet coke im on my knees
Screaming, big girl you are beautiful

You take your girl and multiply about four
Now a whole lot of woman needs a whole lot more

(Repeat chorus)

big girl you are beautiful (x4)

(Repeat chorus)

big girl you are beautiful (x4)

(Repeat chorus)

this song actually got me going soft. lol =P

i like where we are,
when we drive, in your car
i like where we are.... here

cause our lips, can touch
and our cheeks, can brush
our lips can touch here

well you are the one the one that lies close to me
whisper's hello i miss you quite terribly
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms

i like where you sleep,
when you sleep, next to me.
i like where you sleep... here

cause our lips, can touch
and our cheeks, can brush
our lips can touch here

well you are the one the one that lies close to me
whisper's hello i miss you quite terribly
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms

our lips, can touch
our lips, can touch...here

you are the one the one that lies close to me
whisper's hello i miss you quite terribly
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your

you are the one the one that lies close to me
whisper's hello i miss you miss you
i fell in love, in love with you suddenly
now there's no place else i could be but here in your arms

here in your arms.
here in your arms.

My heart skips when our eyes meet

When our lips touched, I knew you

were the one

Get….real

What's the difference between

Love and true love

Who proved love was real

Except for fairytales and movies?

So, why think something like that

Even exists just because

Titanic,

Tristan & Isolde,

Or Romeo & Juliet says so

Love is a powerful imagination,

A magnificent illusion

Love is one of the

Strongest feelings

Because it's the strongest

Feeling a person can imagine

Crushes are warnings

Before you lose

Your head

The cause of a heartbroken

Is love

Because of the thing you thought was real

Proved to be FAKE.

I have a livejournal because I'm too lazy to type lol. I've been having lotsa trouble making up a real good poem. Yeah it's short. so what. blow me. lol. Here's one of them. It inspired me from the trouble in my friendship with one of my best friends Kayla. Because of a guy. GOD!! how stupid can we be!!! lol jj. This poem came to my head because I feel as if Kayla was that true friend that taught me something and "showed" me so much. And everyday it reminds me. Everyday.

 

True Friend

Friends are just people you enjoy to talk to and hang with
But true friends are not people, but a person
That teaches you a valuable lesson in life that will always be a reminder for you
Every single day in your life
And you are that person's true friend giving them back,
The same thing they gave you, but don't realize it.

 

 

I will never forget you

Because you were the first guy that has ever made me feel so special

And being "friends" with you was a happiness I never had or ever felt. I'll never forget that

But now that you've hurt me so bad. Abandoned me. Left me miserable without any care

Just jealousy, because I finally see now the hint you've been trying to give me

You've chosen her to take my place.

What hurts me is that I feel the same connection we once had in the past between you and her

You obviously have more fun with her than you ever had with me

I'm sorry I don't play basetball or carry around one either

I'm sorry I'm not like her

I'm sorry I don't spend my time shooting or spiking a ball

I'm sorry I spend my time in the shade rather than in the sun

But you need to know that I did so much for you

I made sacrifices because i wanted to be with you so bad. I loved you that much. I knew what I was doing and I didn't care

But you didn't take the time, did you? To just stop and realize anything

So what happened? You got lazy all of a sudden

I'm just not worth it. You had your chances

I told you I had feelings for you. But you didn;t take it because of shame!

Why?

And I still loved you for that!

And I still loved you even though you're trying to ruin me!

I still love you

Travis, as far as I know it, no one will take your place for a long time

No other guy stands a chance

No other guy can have my love. Because I gave it all to you

And no other girl can really take my place. Because no other girl will ever love you like I did

They won't be able to explain why they  "love" you. They won't do the things I did

I put you first above everything and everyone else. My best friends. People I known for years

And not for a month or 2. People that put their friends as most important

But no, you were far more important to me. Everything was about you and for you

I went to war with a friend that was like a sister to me, because of you

Go ahead and find another girl. But come running back to me

I know I'd take you in Travis. You even know that through my innocent easy eyes

Because I love you

 

this would be me and TravisTravis's passion and "love"
Look at how different we are. *note* these are just examples

Our hearts spaced away from each other. suckey. Trying to look for that connection we once had

this is what I really pray to happen. We could finally have each other's hearts. I would be happy and we could hold each other. Isn't this what we BOTH want

Puppy Love. I mean this is a cute picture.

Another poem I made last night. You know, this is pretty much what I do now. BUT I can't think of good enough titles for my poems. oops

 

I need you to know I'd do anything just to be with you

I'd have my blood drip in front of you for you to see and understand

Shout "I love you" a mile away so you'd hear it

Grab you from the side and kiss you so you'd feel my need for you so badly

Take a beating to the head, so you'd know I would go through so much oain just to be with you

What will it take for us to be together!

What o I have to do

I'm loosing myself everyday

Because I'm craving for you more and more each day

Love and craziness is completely taking over me

 

Well on the weekend I really felt like writing a poem and heres what I came up with. I don't know when I write them I lose track and switch to another subject in my poems. well this one isn't really all that great but still yet people were touched by it anyway! Oh and there isn't a title.

Sometimes I feel like i'd do anything just to be with you
Put a gun on someone
My mind is clouded with the one thing that is now so important to me
You
I run and close the slam the door in your face
But when I turn back, a brick wall is blocking me
Love is not a lie, or evil
Not something created to break you apart
Love comes when you don't want it
And when you realize it, you have to fight to gain it, fight yourself
Love, is a portal, and once you enter it
it's a long way back home
I entered the portal 4 months ago
I don't even know who I am anymore
And now I feel like I can't trust the closest person to me because of this

All right all right I'm doing better, waaaay better from Saturday and Tuesday. The only problem now is just that I can't go to fuckin sleep!! It's so irritating because Travis is the one keeping me up. I was dying to get freakin knocked out or something just to go to sleep! Frick that Imma go take some drowsy pills tonight! lol. Ughhh. I'm just glad that the week is going by quickly. I still need to get ready for Tuesday. Like my sis told me to just tell Travis Do you like me?. But that is just tooo......I don't know, wrong I guess. Ugh but then again I was killing myself thinking really hard if me and Travis should be together in a relationship. I mean I want too no kid at all but WE'RE 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Both people in 2 different worlds, backgrounds, pesonalities, so much different from each other. that's the other problem. You can't be with someone but not have anything much in common. I don't know I'm going to try and start my project today. get my mind off him. I have to so badly.

God I miss Travis's eyes. His smile and laugh. Those looks he would give me. That desperate look he gave me. I swear he was just trying to saw the words but just couldn't. Another day without him. Please! just let me see him during break. I love him. I just wish he took the chances I gave him. But I know he isn't ready. If he just knew I had so much feelings for him he would've asked me. I can't stand at all being away from him. I'm fuckin going crazy without him. Now i feel like everything was a dream

Funny(not in the laugh way) that I told Kayla when you want something really bad you're going to have to make sacrifices. You're going to have to do stuff you thought you'd never do.Sometimes hurt peoples feelings.  In my case "betrade" Kayla to get what I wanted and that was Travis. And you know what it worked. And I'm glad about it because I won his heart and Kayla won shit. Yeah I guess I'm a greedy bitch. So what? I don't care. I wanted him bad.

Just one more thing Kayla is keeping from me but can't hide because she CAN'T hide anything from me anyway. Yeah sure she admitted that she still loves Travis but not the parts that she WANTS to be pissed at me. Because of what I did to her. sure she is pissed at Travis but she's blaming everything on him BECAUSE I'm her friend. It's not his fault at all. he wasn't the one filling words in her head or doing things purposly, pretty much fooling her SINCE the beginning of school pretty much. She's so damn jealous of me. I bet if Kayla didn't know me she'd hate me. lol. But the hardest part is that it will take her a looong time to get over Travis. She already got herself so attached to him.

But back to Travis. I'm sure I love him but I can't feel it in my heart. Know what I mean. he's just stuck in my mind I can't push it down to my heart. Or maybe I DO love him I just don't know how it feels like to be in love anymore. I must be if I'm going to miss him so much and have "breakdowns" because I do and try to look more pretty for him. Guess I do then. I miss him so much. I just want to laugh with him again so fuckin badly it hurts me. Well 10 more days till I finally see him again.

All right I probably sound like I was bull shitting the other day about Jaime. Well it's a freakin coincidence for me. Ha I totally liked last night until morning about 8 something. haha I swer me these days. It's not my fault that I demand to be treated with respect. I was born that way and Jaime didn't treat me that way. The most tiniest things I will find damn disrespectful to me and Jaime did one of the tiniest things. haha hehe dammit. well let's see I liked him since july 31 through augest 21. wow that's the shortest I ever liked someone. I am not surprised. You just don't cut in front of me. well I write the rest to this later or when I feel like it. So much going on my brain is gonna crack sooner or now. haha. Oh god everything is about fuckin mr. cady cane man. My motherfreakin sig on aiden messageboard got something about mr cc man(jaime duh hello)jk. even my myspace. haha Mr candy cane man's ho. classic. Oh and oooooo Jaime I wanna like. haha stupid funny me

haha I'm still bored. I acually wanted to put this a loong time ago like 3, 4 hours long time ago but my computer hates me now. I don't know why but it bugs me I have to write that what I wanna be when I grow up is a writer. HELL NO not anymore. I want to be a tattoo artuist. Ya that's awesome. Sadly I didn't see any tattoo artist in the list sooooo.................. Screw freakin writing that's hard. tatto artist is cool. I myself I want alot of tattoos. Let's see I want on the top half of my wrists like vines with thorns with tiny flowers on them with words like........... I dson't know yet. Oh hell the Tisiv Ot Ecalp ecin a si lleh tattoo. It's gonna look badass. A gravestone with die romantic on it with cursive or whatever. awesome.I need my roses of course dammit. haha hehe and the OGDO logo. Some more badass aiden tattoos. BUT I want to like put my designs on people. Yeah that would be awsome. besides I'm a pretty good artist just not when drawing people. Yeah maybe I could get my first job at Liquid Metal where makana's parents work lol. That would be a good experience. Yeah I really want to be that cause I suck ass ay writing. And being a tattoo artist it'll match my personality. You know I acually want a tattoo of something on my neck somewhere. I'm so happy i got this out of me xD *D haha hehe. Gotta go sleep now. Tomorrow is school and I will hunt down all the people that could have stolen my poor binder. Those bitches will pay. dammit

Haha I'm so bored I minus well write about duh Aiden. Yay *claps with no one* oh you bithes. haha joking. Random, did you know I have fun talking to myself I do that daily but when i hear people talking to themselves I think they're weirdos adn I even say that in front of them and sometimes I get creeped out. ha silly me. Oh yeah I forgot Aiden. YES I have proof Aiden is coming to hawaii. *feels like dancing* ha I'm too cool to dance and besides I might get caught that always happens. hehe I was just bull shitting about the I'm too cool. Only to my friends. lol here I go again. Well Jake d did say that they're trying and for me to keep my eyes on the messageboard. haha makes me giggle cause I'm on that everyday. lol and I shouldn't have a problem in finding the ep. I think he thinks I'm stupid. Kidding I'm acually pretty damn intelligent. god I'm soooooo arrogant. I stil love myself for who I am even though I'm an arrogant bitch and I act like I'm queen. but that's only in my head. Oh and my most favorite part is when Jake d said hope WE'll see you soon. I capitolized the we'll part because we'll means Aiden. YES. yay he wants to see me. I'm really weird right now. I might look back at this and want to cancel it. I realize this journal entry thing I made doesn't really talk about Aiden. (sorry Aiden) cause my mind got carried away.

haha I feel like writing Smashed into Pieces. I'm soooooooo fuckin bored someone please fuckin make me un bored

Smashed Into Pieces

NEVER AGAIN I'LL SLIT MY THROAT WITH THE KNIFE I PULLED OUT OF MY SPINE!

Maybe when you find out that I'm dead you'll realize what you did to me And if my lungs still let me breathe would you be there for me If I can make myself belive I'll give you back what you took a....

NO i WON'T LET IT GO DOUSE MYSELF IN GASOLINE SO DON'T

Save me when you come in to the fire I'd rather die then have to see your smile And if my lungs still let nme breathe will you be there for me. If I can make myself belive I'll give you back what you took a..way

You made me swer. You made me swer

I.......I can't sleep

Realize all these things that you took from me

SMASH MY HEART (you made me swear) INTO DUST (you made me swear) SUFFOCATE MY MIND (you made me swear) TEAR AT ME FROM INSIDE (you made me swear)

Samsh apart what you creaTED

HOW CAN I EVER STOP YOU FROM crushing my soul

IT WAS IT WAS YOURS yours to begin with

And if my lungs still let me breathe would you be there for me. If I can make myself belive I'll give you back what you took a..away

 

Heeeey this is fun I might make another one

 

 

Well what do you know I'm still bored. hmmm I feel like writing about jaime. Haime hahaha. Cool. I wonder why he went to Waimalu elementary and not Alvah Scott since he lives quite close. Damn he's even from Puerto Rico. Maybe it's acually puerto rica that's how he said it. sexy. puerto rica. ha. Stil don't fuckin know his last name. Damn he's short. I wonder what I really like about him. Is it......................*blank right now* Oh I think it's his face and eyes. Has nothing to do with his ass lol. He has kind eyes. Like if you looked at Jaime you could see his personality or something like that. He always has a serious face on, unless he's talking to that bitch Robyn. All smiley Jaime. Nahh I shouldn't even care. I don't wanna be the jealous type. He doesn't really know me after all. And plus he knows now that I'm not all quiet and shy since he saw me with Kayla and Chihiro. He just seems so serious and I really like that yet like a boring person, but it's the same thing everyone thought about me. boring and when they got to know me I'm damn fun! :] haha I don't mean to brag or anything but it's true right Mari. oooops I'm getting off topic here. Okay back to Jaime. I DON'T KNOW HIM. that's the point we don't know each other at all. talked only once. I pray every single freakin science period for him to look my way and at me he does just not at me. Although he did that one time I didn't know he was behind me. Ewwww I really don't like the way I sound. Okay I have to make a choice: 1. Like Jaime and soon maybe cam't contol myself about him and be all boo hoo waaa waaa cry baby when I find out he doesn't like me which I know he doesn't believe me I do or 2 freakin forget about him and focus on other stuff. I really want option 2 and I'm gonna try my best to do that. FUCK that mean I have to take down everything Mr. Candy Cane Man. dammit. Okay let me make a third option: well I'm not totally in love with him it's just a crush and crushes aren't bad at all so having a crush in him is okay and besides it's not like I think about him all the time. I don't. He's not very much of adicting and i keep myself occupied from thinking about him. Damn i earned a gold star. haha xD

Man I wanna go see Hawthorne Heights. Waaaaa! shit. September 4 there's no school and it's Kayla's birthday so that's one reason I could be able to go. Come one it's Hawthorne Heights! PLeeeease. I'm so bored I don't see why it's very much nessessary to even write in a journal with this in it. Just cause I haven't really updated anything and I just love the clickatiy clack sound of the keyboard. haha gay. No not really to me. God I can't see myself watching them in a mosh pit or anything though. Hopefully that comes true. Better fucking! I know I don't deserve it though. haha. But I do in ways........I think. Damn. I already planned on what to wear lol. duh niki fm jacket of course. That wpuld be a great birthday gift for Kayula though. although she didn't sound so excited on the phone. got me worried there. hmmmm. Let's see if it's only for 18 and over where the "concert" or whatever takes place. I either lie to my mom about it being all ages and sneak my way in somehow. yeah sure great plan. But fuck it's all the way in I don't know ala moana or something my mom ain't gonna drive me there unless Kayla's mom. yaya woohoo but that won't happen. Hey I wouldn't mind taking the bus. It'll be worth it to see Hawthorne Heights. Second problem or third I don't know don't care to look back and check is how the fuck do I get the tickets or get in how much does it cost. Well I'll pray to god if I can go although I don't believe in god nor the devil. That's such bull crap. I'd better watch my mouth to my parents since I want to go BUT I say what i want when I want and to whoever I want. hahaha I got serious attitude problems. Like I care though. Man if I could go it'll be fuckin ace. me screaming in the crowd. awesome but I shouldn't be thinking about that. oooo gotta start either saving or jacking money lol

yeah you shoud have gottena laugh from this Mari. Oh and don't worry you can thank me later. LOL LOL LOL LOL
1. Guess who

2. guess who again

3. cupid will ake it better for you Mari

4.you know what I really don't know what to say about that pic.

You better comment me back mari. Anyawys bye it was nice making you laugh. Hehe. Oh and if you want bonus pics all you need to do is ask me lol LOL